the colour purple

red lettuce, originally uploaded by Joker the Lurcher.

tonight himself has gone out. he is the clerk to the governors at the school where he works so now and again he has to go to meetings and write things down.

himself is always rather nervous about going out. it is not the meetings that bother him. it is the fact that herself is left in charge of the cooking. tonight was no exception. he tried to interest her in a salad. but no sooner than his back was turned was she asking my boy what he wanted for tea. "i don't know" he said, "just let me deal with this killer flea and then i can think about it". the house is not infested. it is one of my boys computer games.

they settled on bubble and squeak. although this sounds like a recipe that witches might make it is in fact a meal made of leftover cabbage and potato. there was quite a bit of cabbage left over from some friends visiting at the weekend. so herself set to work.

soon it was ready. my boy came into the kitchen. "what's that?" he asked. "its bubble and squeak" replied herself. "why is it purple?" enquired my boy. "its red cabbage" explained herself. (i know the picture i have selected is in fact a lettuce but that is all i could find).

my boy made a valiant effort with the purple stuff. in the end he was defeated. "sorry mummy but it hurts my teeth". (my boy has a loose tooth) "can i have some toast?" now i would have said that toast would be tougher on the teeth than cabbage and potato. and herself obviously thought the same. "is it really too tough or is it the purpleness?" she asked "only i wouldn't want to make it again once your tooth has come out and you still not like it." "well, it is the purpleness really" he said, unable to bear up under cross-examination by the forensic mind.

then himself rang up to say he was on the way home. (readers, you will have to allow me a little artistic licence here. obviously i could only hear her end of the conversation but she told me afterwards. it would just ruin my flow to try explaining it all chronologically.)

himself asked how things were. herself explained about the bubble and squeak. "and i bet you didn't peel the potatoes either!" he said "well, not exactly" she admitted. "and did you use all those potatoes?" "well, yes" "so there is loads of this purple stuff?" "er, yes..." "and we can't give it to joker because it will make him fart." "er, no."

now readers, i would not want anyone to think that i have a flatulence problem. not for me those weird yoghurts that fill you up with bacteria on the pretext of being good for that bloated feeling (herself says it is a marketing triumph to be able to sell people germs).

but i suppose a bucketful of cabbage might have a bit of an effect. the air would in fact be purple...