Sunday, August 19, 2007


waiting for dinner...

i am rather in disgrace. it all started yesterday when himself went to the football. herself and my boy took me to the downs for a walk. no sooner had we got out of the car and started our walk than i spied a large black dog coming towards me. this triggered a reaction. some time ago a large black dog made a large red hole in my chest which required a number of stitches. this has made me rather nervous of large black dogs.

anyway, the old hackles went up, the lip turned back and i found myself rushing at the poor fellow, who on closer inspection turned out to be a gentle sort. although (or perhaps because) i have the muzzle on people find me running towards their dogs rather alarming. herself made an ill-judged grab for my collar but instead made contact with something sharp - either the buckle on my muzzle or perhaps the edge of it. given my velocity this was unwise. the black dog and his owner passed on and herself was left looking at her finger. her hand was rapidly filling with blood. my boy was told to search her pockets for a tissue in order to avoid the clothes copping it.

just at this moment a couple walked past and gave them a funny look. i suppose a teenage boy going through the pockets of a middle-aged woman with a handful of blood must look odd. as no tissue could be found they went back to the car. mrs captain gave herself a first aid kit when she left for warmer climes and luckily this was in the car. a rapid patch-up was done and they headed home for proper repairs.

luckily, herself has recently bought quite a bit of first aid stuff. this is because she is incredibly accident prone just now and not a day has gone by without carnage. so she got out a dressing thing and some surgical tape and taped up the finger while my boy did what all sensible folk do in a crisis and put the kettle on for a pot of tea.

unfortunately for herself, she did not read the instructions for the dressings. they are called non-stick dressings so she assumed they would not stick. however, when it got wet in the shower this morning and had to be changed, it became apparent that it was well and truly stuck. as the cut is quite large removing the dressing was painful. in fact very much so, to the point where herself looked like she was going to keel over and had to lie down to avoid fainting. himself doesn't like it when she is hurt so spent quite some time tickling my tummy. i believe this is known as displacement activity. while this was very pleasant it seemed a bit tactless.

my boy persuaded himself, who is a qualified first aider, to help. he read the instructions on the dressings. it seems that only one side is non-stick. i suppose the other side has to stick to the surgical tape. after a fair bit more wailing the finger was once again bandaged up. herself has taken to her bed with the laptop and is trying to persuade my boy to supply her with cups of tea. himself is watching the tv. all that is on the screen is writing. this is because he is watching the radio on the tv so there are no pictures. don't ask.

i am keeping a low profile...

Thursday, August 16, 2007


herself is still off work. it is beginning to tell on himself and my boy. herself likes to keep busy and the economy drive has given her plenty of scope for busyness. today she was caught by my boy looking at a website about designing your own clothes. he scuttled off to share this with himself.

"i am not wearing a smock!" exploded himself.

"who said i was planning on making clothes for you?" she replied. himself reminded her of some of her less successful projects. there was the suit made of curtains that she wore to a wedding. it was much admired until she let the cat (wash my mouth out with soap) out of the bag and told people the fabric used to grace a window. the bride and groom became decidedly huffy.

"and don't forget your venture into upholstery!" himself continued. it has to be said that this was not one of her better ideas. the peeps had been given an old armchair by a friend. it was badly in need of repair. herself went to the library and got out a book about upholstery, then purchased various frightening-looking tools. during the project mrs prof happened to visit. she tried out the chair, still in its undergarments, with one or two springs sticking out.

"ooh! its an orgasmatron!" she squealed. i am not sure what one of these is but it made her smile.

my boy has been spending his time on holiday from school arranging his collection of weapons. his contribution to the economy drive was suggesting that the peeps took up armed robbery. today he spent a happy hour working on a powerpoint presentation. herself lent him her laptop for this, thinking it would be good for him to practice spelling and layout. when my boy called the peeps in to see his presentation they were a little alarmed. it was called 'terrorist training programme - your guide to becoming a successful and wealthy terrorist'.

"i'm not that wild about my work laptop having stuff like that on it," said herself, "if i get the sack we will be even worse off."

"don't worry,"said my boy, "i've saved it as 'fluffy bunnies' so no-one will guess what it is. "

there was a lull in activity last week as grandma was visiting. she arrived with the news that she had left my boy's uncle martin at home as he was recovering from an operation on his hand. grandma went on to explain that when uncle martin had been having his operation the nurse had asked him if he took recreational drugs. "only nurofen," he replied.

"i bet he's having a party!" said my boy, "he'll probably hire a hooker!" i thought at first that this was a reference to the character in peter pan, but i fear not...