Thursday, April 02, 2009

more pillz

dear readers, here is a cartoon sent to us by a friend. herself has taken the liberty of changing the name of the chap on the podium but hopefully the artist won't mind. herself needed cheering up a bit yesterday so the chuckle that this brought was greatly appreciated. it has, yet again, been a bit of a week.

the week started with bad dog karma. as is usual on a monday we went along to collect princess kinky to take her for a walk. young dave tends to get very excited at the prospect of a walk with the spotty dog and herself finds it a bit of a struggle getting princess kinky into the car without young dave leaping out. but she has developed a cunning plan. she shuts young dave's lead in the rear passenger door before opening the boot, thus allowing a dignified entrance for our lady friend, while young dave wangs around inside the car. once the boot is safely shut the lead can be released to allow proper greetings from the younger member of our pack.

anyway, off we went to a large wood on top of a hill where we have great fun larking around. no sooner had we been let off the lead than princess kinky ran into a neighbouring field. herself, mindful that we are in the lambing season, ran ahead to a gap in the fence and called the spotty lady back. but she was nowhere to be seen. herself called and called. we ran up and down the fence looking for her. we spent the next hour roaming round the wood and surrounding area with herself whistling and calling, and asking every dog and its owner if they had seen a spotty dog. but no one had seen her. she had disappeared into thin air.

herself phoned young pj, one of princess kinky's boys, who was at home. he in turn phoned mr kinky at work. mr kinky is a lawyer, just like herself, only more successful. after half an hour or so he arrived at the car park in his suit. herself and mr kinky combed the area again, calling and whistling. mr kinky cut a fine sight in the middle of the field in his suit. were it not for the seriousness of the situation herself would have whipped out her camera and taken a snap. but princess kinky was nowhere to be seen. by now half of the county had herself's phone number added to their mobile phone in case they saw a spotty dog.

to cut a very long story short, after all the folks had combed the area from lunchtime until dark, and then mr and mrs kinky had driven round after that, princess kinky appeared on her own doorstep at 10pm, slightly wet and tired but otherwise unscathed. there was a whole lot of jubilation in both households. it seems she had walked home, probably having swum across the river. for a dog of what would politely be called more looks than sense, princess kinky had managed to find her way home over about 3 miles that she had never travelled on foot. needless to say she is going to be staying on the lead from now on when herself takes her out.

in the middle of all this we had a visit from the lovely claudia. she has come to the conclusion that quite a lot of my boy's fear was actually herself's fear, which had floated around the house to such a degree that it was hard to avoid, eventually finding a route into my boy's head via his ear, i think. herself and my boy both agreed that this was a very likely explanation and so herself is going to visit claudia next week to have her head vacuumed out. i am going to be allowed to go along which i am very much looking forward to. i don't suffer from fear myself but it is hard seeing my peeps in such a state. and there might be biscuits.

on tuesday, herself was tucking into a fried egg when someone knocked at the door. my boy answered and let mrs next door in. she had come to sort out cutting my boy's hair. just as she walked in i was overcome by queasiness and i am embarassed to say the old tum emptied its contents all over my bed, leaving a large frothy pool. herself just managed to swallow the mouthful of egg she was munching. mrs next door is used to this sort of thing with young ruby so didn't bat an eyelid. herself cleaned things up and put the cover of our bed in the washing machine.

so wednesday found us with no cover on our bed as it was hanging on the line. young dave saw this as the ideal opportunity to explore the makings of the bed. our bed is in fact a futon which is a sort of mattress. it is filled with fluffy stuff. young dave spent most of wednesday pulling the fluffy stuff out and spreading it round the living room. at lunchtime my boy phoned herself.

"dave's chewed up their bed," he said. "its probably mendable but i don't think i can do it."

mindful of my boy's approach to mending things and the fact there was no-one at home to extricated him if he got covered in superglue, herself told him to leave it just as it was and she would sort it out when she got home.

the peeps and my boy were late getting back due to a visit to the doctor to get the results of my boy's blood tests. when they walked in they were met by a sea of fluff. just at this moment mr snake-charmer came round to teach my boy smiths. with him was the young snake-charmer, who proceeded to lie on the floor. young dave leaped on top of her to give her a cuddle. my boy has a new model gun which he was very keen to show mr snake-charmer so he drew the blinds in case armed police burst in. i just wish i had been able to take a photograph to show my readers the scene: a darkened room, covered in fluff, with my boy wielding a large machine gun, and the young snake-charmer on the floor doing a passable impression of someone who had been shot and was being given the kiss of life by young dave. our house is never boring.

and the results of my boy's blood tests? well it seems he has something called underactive fire-oid. this means that some bit that should pump some sort of chemical into his blood is not doing it properly. so he has to take some pills to try and sort it out. this fire-oid thing must be the only bit of my boy's body that is underactive. anyway, we shall see how the new pills work. he will soon be rattling...


She said...

That comic is hysterical!

But oh you had me on the edge of my seat hoping against hope that Ms. Princess Kinky would be found! Whew! What a relief that she found her way home! I thought only cats could do that!

I have fear, too, and so I get the need to have one's head vacuumed out. I must find a way to do that soon. It is now on my list of things to do!

Penny said...

The cartoon was hilarious. Princess Kinky is one crazy dog. I am surprised she found her way home. The scene with the gun, boy, man and mess is priceless, You could make a top notch sit com out of it. I am pleased the results from the blood test are not too drastic. Wendell sends his regards, Pen.

Anonymous me said...

I'm glad Joker will be accompanying herself next week ... now that does deserve a biscuit. Had me rolling with laughter the stuff about the darkened room and the machine gun wielding boy. All frantic stuff as per. Hope the fire-oid sorts out soon xx J

Woman in a Window said...

Note to herself:
Dear herself, have you ever considered raising chickens instead of sheltering dogs?

joker the lurcher said...

mrs window: the peeps did used to have chickens but they got eaten by the fox. but i suppose you could have guessed that...

Auntie Jane said...

I am so glad Princess Kinky arrived home safe and sound. It is such a worry when they take off like that.

I think there are a lot of us around that could do with having our heads vacuumed out.

Your blogs would make a good sit-com staring Joker and his side-kick young Dave.

Anonymous said...

Pear shaped if ever there was. I like joker's description of the spotty dog, "more looks than sense,". I've met dalmations, it's true.

Sorry to hear about the boy's thyroid. He'll feel better once that's sorted out. Mine started acting up when I was 21.

Free floating fear is highly contagious. Glad to hear about you visiting Claudia.

Take care of yourself woman, seriously.

Casdok said...

Brilliently written! And love the cartoon!

Area Trace No Search said...

Giving pills to dogs is not so bad - it's giving pills to cats that is a complete pigging nightmare...

Maddy said...

Oh good grief! So glad for the medical explanation as that's about my level of understanding!

Fluff! Don't talk to me about fluff and disemboweling. I now have lots of experience.

Very impressed that Kinky Princess made it home on her own, just goes to show.

Meanwhile I shall keep Thatcher on his 20 foot extendable lead for a while.