Tuesday, January 27, 2009

lost in translation

i see that, not for the first time, my attempts at discretion have left some of my oversees readers puzzled. all i can say is, please do not attempt a google image search for wedding tackle unless you are of a strong constitution.

i will attempt to explain my euphemisms without offending those more sensitive of my readers.

take a dog like my goodself. turn him over. at one end will be his head. at the other end, his tail, or what passes for a tail in some breeds. from the tail work your way (visually rather than manually, i would suggest) towards the head. first you will come across the little hole where the icky stuff comes out. then you will come to a little bag containing mysterious marble-like things (unless said dog has had them stolen, as in my case). then you will come across a long pipe which is fixed to the undercarriage of the dog with fur but which occasionally pops out to say hello (in the case of our household this can cause alarm among the humans).

the marble bag and the pipe together comprise the wedding tackle. they are so called because they come in handy on one's wedding night. and on other occasions too. a bit like fishing tackle for fishing, if you get my drift.

and as for knitting our own electricity, i am afraid my boy and his pithy sense of humour is to blame. whenever herself comes up with a money-saving scheme my boy will roll his eyes heavenwards and say "oh no! another knit-your-own-muesli scheme!" there are variations on this but 'knit-your-own-electricity' is entirely herself's own work.

so there you are. at ease...

10 comments:

Penny said...

Always a joy to read.

Auntie Jane said...

Good description Joker... Well done. Loved it.

Vetnurse said...

Love it am going to use that in future as my normal descriptions are ermm earthy?

Speaking of knitting a person l know has a rather gullable gran He had a fancy letter written out saying she had been invited to knit shreddies ... she was over the moon. When she finally found out that knitting shreddied (breakfast cerials) was just an advertising gimick l understand she nearly removed his wedding tackle :-))

deb said...

The marble bag and pipe is even better than wedding tackle. I am partial to dangly bits as well, the saying, well, the bits also:)

Lou said...

classic joker blog post - for the next book I think....

flutter said...

I just snorted, out loud

crazymumma said...

thank goodness because I have been haunted byt eh idea of herself bound in wires and electrocuting herself.

however, I have used wedding tackle and made several people laugh. good fun I say.

Cheryl said...

You make me smile and laugh out loud. I have missed you. So glad to see a new post. Hope your husband is mending well.
XXXXXX

Casdok said...

I too forget that our overseas readers can get puzzled with our phrases.
Love the explanation!!

Shame we didnt get to meet up. Maybe at DJs next book launch?!

Woman in a Window said...

You are, in a word, one of a kind. Oh wait. That's four!