Friday, January 23, 2009


dear readers, i had a horrible shock to my system yesterday. young dave suddenly grew some eyes! he had some when he first appeared, but they gradually disappeared behind grey hair. i got used to him looking like a rug. then all of a sudden - he has eyes again! it is too much for an old chap. i think it was herself's doing. she decided he needed to be introduced to the world and went at him with some scissors.

yesterday was a day full of drama. my boy is off school with fear. he has fear of going to school, fear of going out of the house, and sometimes fear of coming downstairs. while the former two conditions are perfectly manageable for us lurchers, and indeed lead to more of my boy's company (which is something i love) the latter is a cause for concern. so it was with great relief that we learned that we were to go to the beach and that my boy was going to try and come with us. so off we go to the beach, with my boy pinching one of his eyebrows to stop the queasiness (he has found an acupressure point by default). we all got out of the car and young dave and i went off in search of places to, well, you know...

it was not long before young dave found a wonderful prize - a seagull. not in the prime of life, it has to be said. in fact not very alive at all. but young dave was the first to find it so it had a good amount of meat on its poor frame. i helped him a little but herself called me off the minute she saw where things were heading. but young dave cannot be deterred when he is on a mission. he was up and down the beach carrying the seagull, with all its innards swinging around, for some time. meanwhile, my boy was starting to want to go home. the great outdoors is not something to be rushed.

my boy went to sit in the car in order to tweak his eyebrow more effectively. meanwhile, young dave ran up and down the beach, pausing only to munch further bits of brain, fat and muscle from the poor former seagull. after the previous issues with seagull wings this was another level of depravity, even by my standards. i draw the line at eating brains. at least unless they are sauteed.

anyway, time went by. a lot of time. the seagull shrank. young dave swelled. the peeps discussed how much they hated him and how sick he was going to be all night. herself observed that as himself still has a compromised immune system the task of cleaning up regurgitated seagull feathers mixed with regurgitated seagull gizzard would fall to her. this made her feel rather downtrodden, but with no-one to blame. other than young dave.

eventually young dave ate everything except the brain. this was dangling on a long sinew and young dave took great pleasure in running up and down the beach waving it at herself like a yoyo. by now the air was a little blue. herself told young dave that if he didn't either eat the brain or drop it she would have to kill him. but young dave knows when herself is joking. she cannot kill flies never mind errant puppies.

anyway, eventually young dave leaped into the car. the boot was slammed shut and we headed for home. young dave made the mistake of trying to lick my boy, who was in the back. young dave, as regular readers will recall, has a beard. after spending an hour or so eating seagull the beard was a little greasy and very smelly. my boy let out a shriek that would have brought the seagull back to life.

but my boy is on the mend a little now. he is taking photos with herself's camera. you can see them here.

and young dave, in the face of all predictions to the contrary, kept the seagull down...


Catofstripes said...

Disgusting little dog, you shouldn't have let herself cut his eyebrows, he might not have spotted the seagull!

Sounds like a great trip out though ;-)

Patience-please said...

First of all, the photographs are stunning! Such an eye!
Hope the cleanup wasn't horrible. One time the very first whippet at a whole horse placenta when no one was paying attention, since they were oohing and ahhing over the new foal.
That was a mess.

Vetnurse said...

I was rolling with laughter they don't let you down do they. If it stinks young Dave will find it.

If you get some washing soda crystals (make sure it is washing soda crystals, l got mine at Sainsburys)carry them round with you and shove a wadge down young Dave's throat post banquet and he will bring up whatever dead offending article he ate.
Make sure he is on a lead so that he can be pulled off and not then re eat the banquet.

joker the lurcher said...

mrs vetnurse, thank you so much for the suggestion. i will get herself onto it tomorrow!

flutter said...


uphilldowndale said...

If that had been our dog, I'm sure the incdent would have involved a £200 of vets bills!
Yo-yo brains, ROFL.
Wonderful photos

Penny said...

What a wonderfully graphic description of a day at the beach. Young Dave is a naughty boy. The photos are brilliant, Pen.

Auntie Jane said...

Had to laugh at young Dave and his antics... Remind me when my lot found some dead rotting fish on a beach in Ireland once when we were on a holiday there.

They rolled in it and stank! And we were in a motor home travelling about!

She said...

Love those eyes! : )

Love your stories!

I hope to meet you one day!

Anonymous said...

Dave looks so innocent. Are you absolutely sure it was him? He is a bugger.

Woman in a Window said...

I'm thinking health officials need to be notified. All those dead gulls sound a little suspicious to me.

And as to all the other tomfoolery, I'm afraid your heartache is my entertainment. I've laughed my arse off, albeit not too effectively as I still have quite a bit of padding back there.

crazymumma said...

awful animals. mine was sucking on teh caviar of caviars. cat feces, the other day.