Monday, January 26, 2009

charity begins next door

here you can see a shopping list, dear readers. there is nothing particularly unusual about this list, i hear you say. then when you look again you may notice that as well as run-of-the-mill things like cornflakes, there are also "suitable vegetables". this is to differentiate them from "unsuitable vegetables". himself has issues with certain sorts of vegetable.

and what, i hear you ask, is "being and nothingness"? is it something you put in cake to make it light and full of air? no, dear readers, it is nothing to do with shopping. it is the name of the blog of a cyberfriend of herself. the shopping list was the only piece of paper she could find when she needed to write it down.

the shopping lists are getting rather less inspiring as the financial situation becomes more precarious. but as usual, herself has a plan. tomorrow a man is coming to visit. herself has applied for a grant to help out with the knit-your-own-electricity project. the man is apparantly very formal and posh. i have been practising sucking in my cheeks in order to convey the lack of decent food round here.

but it seems i am not to have the pleasure of making his acquaintance. young dave and i, and my boy, are being banished next door for the duration of the visit. it took me a little while to deduce why this was. after all, we are friendly and polite. but it seems that the man might be a little taken aback by some of our habits. young dave's recent discovery of his wedding tackle has led to some fairly steamy scenes in which he practices for his wedding night. and i am not beyond reproach in that department, in spite of my advancing years. my boy is being sent to keep an eye on us. i think in part his banishment was prompted by his suggestion that we show the man how enterprising we are in our financial schemes.

"as he comes in," said my boy, "i'll ask him if he wants to pay to see some dog porn!"

ah well, at least we will get to fondle young ruby...


Woman in a Window said...

wedding tackle? naughty, naughty dogs. But tough times do call for ingenius solutions.

crazymumma said...

knitting electricity?
wedding tackle?

being and nothingness
and suitable vegetables?

I must sleep obviously.

uphilldowndale said...

Glad to see wine amongst the essentials.
Yo wanna see my shopping lists, I 'mind map' them add to that that they are written in 'family code', but I've found they only work if I remember to take them with me.

Lou said...

how funny - of course you can't buy being and nothingness - it takes years of practice; )

Your boy is so sharp - perhaps comedy is a future option...