Wednesday, July 02, 2008

poorly paw





dear readers, getting anyone to type this post has proved even more difficult than usual. as you will see from the photographs, i just cannot get the staff. the lengths that herself will go to in order to avoid an honest day's toil beggars belief. in the top photograph you can see 'before'. herself has a perfectly good hand, apart from having an oddly placed arrow. in the bottom photograph you can see 'after'. a hand that will not work at all.

"why has herself done this?" i hear you all ask. well, it is not vanity. nor is it misery. it is to sort out the car-pull tunnel thing that she has in her wrists. she has had this for years. up until now she has lived with the dodgy wrists fairly happily. what has prompted the drastic action is himself's forthcoming kidney transplant. herself will have to drive up to london and back each day while himself is in hospital. and while driving with numb hands works ok for short trips, it is not advisable in london traffic.

so on monday off the peeps went to the hospital. the operation was to be done under local anaesthetic. this means they do not have to bring it very far. the downside of the whole thing was that herself was awake. when the surgeon injected the stuff into the nerves in her wrist it was a little painful. in fact a lot painful. the arm whacked up in the air and just missed the surgeon's nose, making him jump a mile. in true drama queen fashion herself had to have the little oxygen mask and be wheeled back to the ward on a trolley, when all the other victims were happy with travelling by wheelchair.

since arriving home herself has entertained us no end. readers, if ever you are feeling a little low, pretend you have only the one hand. obviously for those readers who already have just the one this will not be so much fun as you will have special tools and techniques to deal with basic tasks. but those with two hands who are a bit down, pay attention! especially you, mrs deb! the way to cheer yourself up is to try the following tasks with only one hand (all these can be done in a hotel room if need be):

tear off a piece of loo roll
put some toothpaste on your toothbrush
put roll-on deodorant under your arms
pull up your knickers
put on your socks
wash your face
wash your hair

i won't go on, you get the idea. the hairwashing was particularly funny. herself decided to have a bath as the bandage would get wet in the shower. so there she was sitting in the bath with the shampoo. the first squirt on her head without being able to see did not produce any bubbles. so she had another go. this time there were so many bubbles she looked like santa claus. and putting the toothpaste tube between your knees to squeeze it may not be the best plan if you have strong legs from riding horses for years...

herself went back to work today but flagged by lunchtime. her boss very kindly delivered her back to us and she went straight to bed for a long kip. she woke later, due to me and my lady friend making a bit of a kerfuffle. we could hear the next-doors outside. it sounded as though there was a bit of a crisis. when herself went out to have a look it transpired that young ruby had cut her paw. what is it with women? one of them has a bandage, they all want one! anyway herself is a bit of a dab hand at bandaging paws. i may have helped her to acquire this skill what with my slightly accident-prone habits. but paw bandaging with one hand?

in fact all turned out well as there were many hands there already. young ruby was given a small dose of my painkiller stuff. she also had to wear her lampshade, which put something of a damper on her usual youthful exuberance. my boy is being sent round as i dictate this in an effort to obtain a picture of her dressed as a lamp. [update - young ruby is not answering the door]

and how have i managed to get this missive typed? i hear you ask. well, when my boy was a pup he didn't sleep much. and herself worked from home. so she learned to type with one hand, having had to jiggle the young fella on her knee with the other one. i can only surmise she must have managed to put him down when she brushed her teeth...

7 comments:

flutter said...

poorly paw indeed! I will type the rest of the day with one paw in your honor

crazymumma said...

I have been in that situation myself and it is not easy....

womaninawindow said...

SHIT! This had me laughing in so many places and now it has me a little scared. Sorry. Sobering. Kidney transplant? Shit... I say it now and again out here in this world, I don't pray per se, but I sure as hell will be sending all the positive energy out there I can muster. Until then, I'll come here and laugh. (OK OK, I just told my husband what's happening with you guys and he said, "Oh, really? I didn't think they did those transplants with dogs..." OK, now I'm laughing again.

Seeker said...

Sorry to hear about the hand....... and even sorrier to hear about the kidney transplant! Wishing you all the best re both.

Navi said...

I can relate to the doing things with one hand... for the same reason Herself knows how to type with only one... so I won't find much amusement pretending I only have one...

La La said...

Did you type all of that with one hand? WOW!

I'm sorry to hear about the kidney transplant. I will hold space for your family during this time.

I do hope your wrist is better than new when it finally heals. And, I hope it heals soon.

Eileen said...

Oh my, that does look painful. Tricky too. I am so sorry that you had to have this procedure, but I have heard really good things about how it feels afterwards. Glad your boss was kind enough to bring you home, it is probably where you should have been in the first place!

Thinking about you. Take care of yourself. I hope your hand is better soon. Typing with one hand is no fun, not at all.