Sunday, May 11, 2008

a big splash

last night the peeps had some friends round for a meal. preparations began with the purchase of a large salmon. poached salmon is one of herself's signature dishes. although given the carnage in the kitchen when herself is let loose it should perhaps be called a graffiti dish. wine was chilled and vegetables washed. himself made some very tasty-looking nibbles for starters. it was a very hot day and having the oven on did nothing for the ambient temperature but i had to station myself in front of the cooker in case of falling morsels.

at four the guests arrived. the man guest works with himself and is a bit of a cook by all accounts. the lady guest works with impatient babies. my boy was an impatient baby. babies are supposed to live in their cosy wombs for 9 months. my boy, in line with family tradition, does not do waiting. he put in an appearance 5 weeks early. it seems this level of impatience in a baby is not unique. the lady guest is in charge of keeping the impatient babies healthy in hospital until they are ready to go home. there was also a young lady guest who wants to be an evil vet when she grows up.

everything got off to a good start. the peeps and the guests sat by the pond, sipping fizzy wine and eating the little nibbles. then everyone went inside for the big fish. it is always interesting to hear herself dishing up a meal. she is full of reasons why the potatoes still have the skin on, why the carrots aren't chopped up, why the strawberries have their leaves on. herself tries to pass this off as in the interests of retaining flavour or some such nonsense. everyone knows it is because she has more interesting things to do than peeling and chopping things.

the evening wore on. much wine was taken. as darkness fell the peeps and the guests went to sit in the garden again. the lady guest sat on the side of the pond, saying how relaxing the fountain sounded. the peeps told the story of the time the pond caught fire. you would think this cautionary tale would have made the guests think twice about being in the same place as a pond and the peeps. but no. they simply laughed and carried on regardless.

at this point proceedings began to unravel. the girl guest came to her mother for a cuddle. nothing wrong with a cuddle in my book. as regular readers will know, i am something of a cuddle-monster myself. but the cuddlee approaching at speed when the cuddler is balanced somewhat precariously on the edge of a pond is not to be recommended. both female guests toppled backwards into the pond with a very loud splash.

when the remaining peeps had composed themselves enough to stand up they hauled the dripping lady guests out and stood them by the pond. both lady guests were drenched. i have no idea what our neighbours made of the hoots of laughter emanating from our garden at such a late hour.

herself took the lady guests up to the bathroom and furnished them with towels and fresh clothes. herself is a fan of large pants, a la bridget jones. in the film ms jones had big pants in order to tame her tummy region. herself tried out some of these tummy-taming pants once but pronounced them far too dominatrix for her liking. so her big pants are just big, rather than controlling. the girl guest was happy to wear a pair of these, although she had to turn the top down to see out. but the lady guest fell about laughing and opted for the t-shirt which said 'i'm blogging this' and some stretchy black trousers, leaving out any lingerie.

after this the peeps decided it was safer to sit inside. cheese and biscuits were brought out and things settled down again. eventually himself began to snore quietly on the sofa, as is his wont, and proceedings came to a close. the guests left and herself and my boy went up to bed, leaving the dishes for the morning. my lady friend and i did the canine pre-wash as best we could and turned in at just past midnight.

this morning my boy and herself were discussing what a hilarious evening it had been.

"did you take a picture of them in the pond?" asked my boy.

"no, i thought it would be a little tactless to leave them there with their feet sticking up and their knickers showing while i ran indoors for the camera!"

"you could have taken one in the bathroom of them soaking wet," said my boy.

"but they were both stark naked!" explained herself. it had not occurred to my boy that people might perhaps feel slightly disconcerted at having pictures of themselves in the altogether plastered around the internet. sometimes he forgets how just how worldwide my readership is...


Patience-please said...

Who needs a camera!!!! Your perfect story painted the images brilliantly...

still chuckling

Maddy said...

Oh dearie me. I can only ever show about 1% of our photographs for similar modesty reasons.

I'm not sure which I'm more envious of :- a pond or the ability to serve cheese and biscuits to people without having to have a 30 minute preamble as to why this should be so.

Best wishes and Happy Mother's Day.


flutter said...

You totally crack me up

Anonymous said...

Isn't it odd how clothes hanging on clothes lines look rather dull and so very like all other clothes on clotheslines.

contemporary themes said...

Too funny. You did an excellent job telling the story!!!

Anonymous said...

This was so funny. I did not need the pictures at all, I felt like I was right there. Thanks, for a much needed smile!!