happy lurching new year

here is a picture of my new lady friend, dear readers. she loves the sun. this may be because she spent most of her life, before she came to us, living in a dark shed. i have to admit, when she first moved in, i had my nose put out of joint a bit. after all, i have been used to being top dog for years. but i quickly realised that all she wanted was a place to live where she got some grub and some daylight and where no-one hit her.

the day herself brought my lady friend home she said that what our family needed just now was a creature who made us realise just what a lot we had. the peeps have been feeling a little sorry for themselves lately. but they never had to watch their friends being killed by being hit on the head with a shovel. they never have to fight for crusts of bread. they sleep in a comfy bed and they see daylight every day.

i have to admit to feeling a little chastened. i was a bit grumpy about having to share my peeps and my boy. but they have made a real effort to remind me i am still king dog. every time my boy feels the need to pat the little lady he pats me first. and if i'm not big enough to share all this love with a little lady who has had, not to put too fine a point on it, a shitty time, i don't have the right to call myself a lurcher.

so, dear readers, i say have a happy new year. don't forget what you have. and spread kindness wherever you can, the world is a little short of it.

phoebe!

hello readers! i know many of you will be desperate to know the full story of my new lady friend. herself has been trying to write a post for several days but she cannot get the picture thingy to work so you will have to wander over to flickr to see pictures of her.

as regular readers will know, the peeps have been looking for a hairy lady for me for some time. herself was indulging in her favourite occupation of laptopping when she saw a post on a lurcher forum about a lady lurcher who was desperate for a new home. so she got on the phone to the number given. it turned out the lady in question was in north devon which is some distance from us. the peeps had a hurried discussion as to how to go about collecting her. there was a certain degree of urgency about this following a rather unfortunate incident involving two cats.

the arrangements were complicated somewhat by the fact that my boy was off school with a hacking cough. he did not jump at the chance to travel down to devon and back in one day. he wanted to spend the day coughing over his computer keyboard. he was given the option of going to school and coughing there or or coming in the car with us. and there was the small matter of young rokit. herself felt that the new lady meeting rokit should be postponed for a little while and i have to say i did not relish being confined in the back of the car having my ears chewed for several hours.

herself is nothing if not a woman of action. she got on the phone to mr and mrs rokit and it was agreed that mr rokit would take young rokit to work with him. he is building a wooden floor for some people and the idea was that rokit would help. herself then had the brainwave of offering mr rokit my boy's expert puppy-sitting services. this was jumped at by all concerned. my boy looked forward to a day on someone else's sofa with a telly to watch that might actually have a fully-functional volume control rather than the choice between shouting and whispering that is offered by the peeps' ancient steam-powered telly.

so herself and i headed off very early the following day with a flask of tomato soup and a cheese sandwich. the plan was that himself would drop my boy off with mr rokit in auntie bernie's fiat (auntie bernie has purchased sparky the audi, which has allowed the peeps to pay off most of the credit cards) and herself would take himself's car. we had just got to southampton when the phone rang. it was himself.

"it won't start!" he wailed. usually this sort of phone call would be filled with some choice language but herself had taken the precaution of extracting a promise that he would not ring her up and swear at her so he was forced to keep it clean. herself suggested he ring the breakdown people. himself is allergic to phones so herself ended up on the phone trying to explain to the breakdown people that she was actually on the other side of southampton in a car that was clearly working but that they needed to go and rescue himself and the dead fiat on the drive at home.

we had just entered dorset when the phone went again. it was himself.

"its broken down on the roundabout!" the roundabout in question is about 2 miles from the house. herself suggested that he ring the breakdown people again. this idea did not meet with much enthusiasm. himself said the fiat was as much use as a chocolate teapot. at this point we went down a hill and the signal on the phone went. herself realised that it would appear as though she had hung up on himself, which would do nothing for his temper, and that he would not ring the breakdown people even in circumstances such as these. the picture of my boy sitting coughing on a roundabout was not a good one.

we tried several telephone boxes, none of which worked. then we pulled into macdonalds in search of a phone. the staff kindly allowed herself to use the one in their office. it went to himself's voicemail so herself left a grovelling message and we went on our way. it later transpired that himself and my boy had got the bus home, a story fit for a blog post all of its own, with my boy carrying various imitation firearms and wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses and himself looking bearded and murderous, amidst some rather funny old ladies. i will ask my boy to write about this another time as this is already a rather extensive missive.

eventually we got to devon and found the kind man who had taken care of phoebe. the minute we had got out of the car phoebe jumped in and had to be coaxed out. she obviously knew she was coming with us. we had a little run around in a field and herself had a cuppa with the kind man before we headed home. i rather let the side down in my initial encounter with my new lady friend. in my defence i can only say that she had the aroma of a cowshed and it was not immediately apparent to me that she was a lady. things are settling down now but i am having to be on my best behaviour.

phoebe has had a life that would turn most of us into vicious and miserable monsters. she was kept in a shed for years and did not even have a name. the evil people that owned her killed their other two dogs with a shovel. she is pitifully thin and her coat was really matted. herself is slowly sorting the hairdressing issues out and the canine supermodel is eating like a horse. even at her most pitiful when she first arrived, she wagged her tail and licked the peeps.

i have to say now my lady friend smells a bit sweeter she is growing on me...

christmas quiz

i have been tagged again, dear readers. this time it is a christmas quiz, sent to us by maddy.

as usual it was impossible to get herself to join in unless i did it first. so here are my answers:

1) Wrapping paper or gift bags?

i find the paper easier to remove without being discovered

2) Real tree or artificial?

real - much nicer to cock one's leg on

3) When do you put up your tree?

i leave it to the peeps - they seem to get it sorted eventually

4) When do you take the tree down?

it depends how long i can refrain from crashing into it while doing a circuit of the house

5) Do you like eggnog?

i'm sure i would

6) Favorite gift received as a child?

a red collar

7) Do you have a Nativity scene?

no

8) The hardest person to buy for?

i leave all that present stuff to the peeps

9) The easiest person to buy for?

see 8

10) The worst Christmas gift you ever received?

the reindeer horns

11) Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?

e-mail this year - rokit and i did the honours

12) Favorite Christmas movie?

101 dalmations or lassie

13) When do you start shopping for Christmas?

i try and get started on the thieving of morsels in january so as to build up my strength

14) Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

yes

15) Favorite things to eat at Christmas?

venison

16) Clear lights or colored on the tree?

so long as i can see the trunk to take aim i have no preference

17) Favorite Christmas song?

how much is that doggy in the window

18) Travel at Christmas or stay home?

stay home

19) Can you name all Santa's reindeer?

boney, bit fatty, tasty, scrummy, old and tough...

20) Angel on the tree top or a star?

no idea - the old eyesight isn't what it was

21) Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

whenever the peeps aren't looking

22) Most annoying thing about this time of year?

extra vigilance in the kitchen on the part of the peeps

23) What is the "corniest" family tradition you do or miss doing?

that whole silly paper hat thing. they don't work if your ears are on the top of your head

24) Ugliest Christmas decorations ever invented?

those balls that when you grab them turn out to be glass

25) Which looks the best...theme trees or homey trees?

anything with a decent trunk

26) What does Christmas mean to you?

lots of fuss from my boy

. . .

and here are hers (much less interesting i feel):

1) Wrapping paper or gift bags?

cheap brown paper with celtic signs that i stamp on in gold ink (i wait until after they are wrapped before doing the stamping so as not to stamp bits the recipient won't see - i'm lazy like that)

2) Real tree or artificial?

always real but this year instead of a tree a huge branch cut off our eucalyptus tree and decorated. my son wailed "why can't we be more normal?" when he saw it so next year we have agreed on an artificial tree.

3) When do you put up your tree?

my son's birthday is 14 december so we generally put the tree/branch up the day after.

4) When do you take the tree down?

just after new year's day.

5) Do you like eggnog?

not altogether sure what it is!

6) Favorite gift received as a child?

a dolls house made by my mum and dad - a rare occasion of co-operation between them!

7) Do you have a Nativity scene?

no

8) The hardest person to buy for?

my husband

9) The easiest person to buy for?

my son

10) The worst Christmas gift you ever received?

not sure...

11) Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?

e-mail this year

12) Favorite Christmas movie?

The Snowman by Raymond Briggs.

13) When do you start shopping for Christmas?

very late in the day usually. this year we are making all the presents and in theory i have had the time to start early but have still left it too late!

14) Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

yes

15) Favorite things to eat at Christmas?

curry

16) Clear lights or colored on the tree?

i like white but my son likes coloured, so we have coloured on our branch

17) Favorite Christmas song?

the one by wizard

18) Travel at Christmas or stay home?

this year at home but we have in the past rented a cottage with friends sometimes

19) Can you name all Santa's reindeer?

er, no. joker ate them all...

20) Angel on the tree top or a star?

neither - a very old and battered father christmas that has been in my husband's family for years

21) Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

morning

22) Most annoying thing about this time of year?

my husband moaning about christmas all the time

23) What is the "corniest" family tradition you do or miss doing?

family traditions in my family were more of the type that involved letters from lawyers ...

24) Ugliest Christmas decorations ever invented?

tricky one - quite a lot of them are ugly. i have to agree that the inflatable ones are pretty terrible

25) Which looks the best...theme trees or homey trees?

not sure what either of these is - our trees/branches tend to be shambolic and home-made with a sort of christmassy theme - does that count?

26) What does Christmas mean to you?

generally: about how a homeless family found shelter and kindness and how a baby being born reminded everyone what really mattered. our own christmas: being warm and cosy and sharing what we have with friends and family.

the festive season

dear readers, here is my very own e-card! herself made it on the internet. you will see that my young friend rokit had to have a false beard for the photo shoot as his own beard, while promising, is really not yet up to full strength.

himself is not very festive, it has to be said. in fact he is decidedly grouchy. part of this is his general attitude to all the kerfuffle that goes on at this time of year. from what i gather, the whole christmas thing is to remember a homeless family with no money. somewhere along the line this has been transformed into a massive shopathon. the peeps have been fairly good at avoiding the worst excesses of consumerism. herself has in the past done her christmas shopping on the internet. as regular readers will know she can shop without getting out of bed, with the aid of her laptop.

however, this year the peeps have a limited budget. this is something of a euphemism (a euphemism is a type of saying, dear readers). the peeps have no money. christmas shopping is a no no. they are making home-made presents for everyone. this plan seemed a good idea a few weeks ago. it fitted in with the ecologically sound, low-carbon-footprint, knit-your-own-cleaning-products way of life. but as christmas approaches it seems much less attractive. the place is awash with bags of fabric. himself is making fudge, but unfortunately keeping an eagle eye on the ingredients, so i am unable to tell you whether it will be edible.

herself has been trying to keep things cheerful for my boy's sake. he is a great lover of christmas. his birthday is just before christmas (he was supposed to make an appearance in january but like herself, my boy does not do waiting). herself managed to purchase an electric guitar on e-bay for his birthday. he is spending his time doing a passable impression of a rockstar.

on the morning of my boy's birthday herself was making a cake. the usual plan is to make a cake in the shape of his current obsession. however, an AK47 is not a shape that is easily translated into cake, especially when herself is the chef. so she decided on a square cake.

just as she put it in the oven the post arrived. it has to be said, this particular batch of post was a bit of a downer even by current standards. the first letter was from the human resources department where herself works. it said that, as she has now been off sick for 6 months, her pay will go down to half pay as from 22 december. herself had been aware that this would happen, but true to form she had miscalculated the date and had thought she had until january.

the second letter was from her boss at work. it said that her job is at risk of redundancy. this is nothing to do with her being off sick. the whole of her team is at risk of redundancy. there is in fact no money to pay them after april. the letter finished in a masterpiece of corporate-speak: "i appreciate the timing and content of this letter are not ideal in terms of your health..."

the third letter was from the building society. these are the people who lent the peeps the money to buy our house. on the face of it this letter promised to be more cheerful. it said that interest rates had gone down and therefore the mortgage rate would also be going down. however it concluded that as the peeps were on a fixed rate mortgage this would not affect them. this raised a bit of a chuckle. its nice to see herself can see the funny side of things.

we have guests for the festivities. lupin the lurcher and his peeps are coming. i have been told in no uncertain terms that i am to wind in my teeth and behave or i will find myself in the doghouse. maybe i can come to an arrangement with him on the question of pilfering food. i think that is one area where we see eye to eye...

tagged!

dear readers, it seems that i have been tagged by graham, prince and tilly too. i didn't feel a thing either. what i have to do, i think, is to answer some questions about myself. i also have to post the rules on my blog:

Rules:Link to the tagger and post these rules on your blog. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

herself refused to have anything to do with this unless i did it first. so here are my five things:

1. like an old sea dog, i sleep in a hammock.

2. i like nothing more than cuddling up by the fire with my boy, who i adore.

3. on more than one occasion, my liking for venison has got me into serious trouble.

4. i may be about to become betrothed to a slender lady called lara. i can't wait to meet her.

5. i prefer to drink out of the pond than out of my bowl. this is because i like to frighten the fish.

and these are herself's five things:

1. in 1988 herself travelled round the world on her own. as she crossed the international dateline she lost a whole day of her life. the only way to get this day back would be to travel the whole way round the world in the other direction.

2. herself once went to a wedding wearing a trouser suit she had made out of bright green curtains. everyone thought it was some fancy designer label.

3. when herself was 14, she went to a party at a nudist club with her friend. they spent the whole night fully-dressed because it was so cold.

4. herself used to drive a plastic car called a reliant scimitar. it was like a reliant robin only with 4 wheels and a much bigger engine.

5. herself bites her nails - it is much cheaper than smoking, but more painful.

now i have to tag 5 people. not only that but i have to link to them, which may be beyond my technical ability. so instead, anyone who reads this is invited, nay ordered, to tell the world 5 things about themselves. over to you readers, i'm exhausted!

puppy control

joker gets rokit in a vice-like grip, originally uploaded by Joker the Lurcher.

readers, you will see that i have developed a new method of keeping young rokit under control. he seems to quite like to sleep like this so we are both happy.

clamming up

out of focus? yes i know. but what are you to do when you have a moving subject?

i should explain. a couple of days ago herself and i went for a walk on the beach with young rokit. as he has now been persuaded that re-cycling has a limit (if i explain you would really rather i hadn't, believe me), she has now got the chance to examine the shore for things to take home. as well as a large lobster pot that both rokit and i had tried to persuade her was best left alone, she also picked up some shells. these were for the bathroom. i am not sure why people think bathrooms=shells. as far as i know the sea does not smell of lavender, nor is it hot.

anyway, herself brought home the above shell. it was not until later that she noticed that it was not just a one sided shell but in fact had another side to it. don't we all? she placed it somewhere cool to observe it.

after a couple of days in her pocket i suspect the poor thing would have given the reith lecture to get back home. funnily enough the shell opened. it didn't say much but clams are notorious for being tight-lipped, so this was to be expected. then it closed again, when my boy patted it gently on its shell.

so it was decided that it had to be replaced on the shore. himself left early for work, in spite of the rain being horizontal, with the clam in a little plate. he found just the right spot and placed it carefully where it might be comfortable.

when he arrived at work, his colleagues expressed surprise at the level of dishevelment, even for a member of our family, and how he had got so wet. he had to explain that not only does our family go in for lurcher rescue but, in spite of herself's partiality to spaghetti vongole, we also go in for a bit of clam rescue too...

a double!

esme, originally uploaded by mystics_adventures.

dear readers, it seems i have a double! here is a picture of her. she is called esme. even her eyes are the same way round as mine! she is a little less grey than me but i gather she is much younger, so that is only to be expected.

enjoying a bit of dog-time

enjoying a bit of dog-time, originally uploaded by Joker the Lurcher.

my boy shares my views about the fairer sex. we often have chats about how to keep the little ladies happy. herself, who is of a rather independent mind, cannot understand how she produced such an unreconstructed creature.

today he came up with a gem. he was talking to herself about the best way to control anger.

"i think the best way to calm someone down is to throw them into a very cold pool," he announced.

"what an interesting idea," mused herself, "so next time you are angry i should throw you in the pond?"

"oh, no," said my boy, "it only works on women."