a tidy ship

herself came home tonight with the news that she and her colleagues have to tidy the office. it seems that captain chaos is to visit. herself's office is a bit tight for space. there are a whole bunch of them in there. it seems that an instruction has come from on high that the office must appear to be organised. they have to get rid of the drugs and the guns. i hasten to add that these are not drugs and guns used by herself and her colleagues but drugs and guns which have been removed from the bad people and are on their way to being destroyed. they are allowed to keep the plastic gun that they shoot at the plastic cans on the plastic log. it works by infra red and makes a very convincing ricochet noise. the battery operated noo-noo should be ok as it has to be switched on before it wanders round the floor making a rather scary sucking noise. it is just a shame that it does not actually clean the floor.

they also have to clear up the microbe farms. these have become popular because they are not allowed to bring their pets into the office. instead they carefully grow cultures of interesting furry moulds in cups and bowls. while these are nice to stroke they do not give a great impression. herself decided recently to introduce a 'slut of the week' award for the most revolting desk. she is looking for a rubber glove to form a trophy. i feel that the rubber gloves may be needed in the clear up.

as for the flying monkeys, they are allowed to stay so long as they are not too obvious and so long as they do not scream while captain chaos is around. this latter requirement could be tricky as they have the habit of going off every time you slam a drawer shut.

the 'quote of the week' from mr mad-and-bad can stay. this is a mugshot of a rather tricky customer which every week has a different philosophical quote underneath. at the moment it has something about truth, a concept which mr mad-and-bad would not understand if it fell out of the sky and hit him on the head.

there is also the problem of health and safety. the office was re-arranged after herself's assistant hurt her back but it has slid back into something you might find in a health and safety video. if you manage to negotiate the floor without tripping over a stab vest you are likely to become entangled in the telephone extension cable that herself has stretched from the cupboard so she can have the fax on her desk. this helps with keeping on top of urgent things. not that she does anything with faxes but she likes to know they are there so she can worry about them.

at least they no longer have the door dosher keeping the fire door open. this was an iron cylinder filled with concrete that is used for opening doors when the occupants of premises are not very welcoming. herself got sick of stubbing her toe on it so she was very glad when it went off to pastures new.

at least when i went to work with her i was able to make sure she kept a tidy ship...