well dear readers, happy new year to you all! i hope you all had a nice break from the daily grind over the winter hols. we have had a lovely time with a stream of friends round, most of whom are not clued up in thievery. this has allowed young dave and i to liberate considerable amounts of grub from unattended plates.
the new year was seen in with true lurcher style. we went for a visit to herself's friend miss jones, who lives on a boat. the boat is on an island in a large river. as miss jones has two lurchers, young dave and i were also invited. we have met these two before when they visited us, so it was assumed that things would go smoothly. however, for some reason, perhaps due to female hormones, the lady lurcher decided to have a bit of a growl as young dave and i climbed up the steps. in the chaos that followed i somehow managed to catch my thumb claw on something and wrenched it upwards. to say this hurt is something of an understatement. and then there was the blood, although not in the quantities i am capable of producing it, thankfully.
when things had settled down a little and i had declined the offer of a bathed thumb, followed with a sock and gaffer tape, herself, miss jones and another friend sat down to lunch. because the boat has windows in the roof, lunch was punctuated with snatches of young dave running around above, chewing a squeaky turkey which he had taken a fancy to. there was something decidedly surreal about the sight of young dave's undercarriage above the table, with a rubber turkey clutched in his over-enthusiastic jaws.
luckily the rest of the visit passed without incident and we headed home. by now the old thumb had settled down to a dull ache so i was saved a visit to the evil vet. but only until the following day. herself arranged for me to see the evil vets where we used to live, as they understand my delicate constitution. the new vet in our road has not yet managed to worm himself into my affections. young dave of course has been won over with gifts of dog treats. but i have had to curl my lip on a number of occasions when the new vet has tried to take liberties. so it was off to the old evil vet for an appointment with dr andy.
on the way we called into the feed merchants. this is where magic jim works. magic jim is the man who saved my life when i was hit by the car. he was on the phone when we arrived so herself and i had a chat with the nice ladies behind the counter while we waited. no sooner had i accepted some dog treats than a lady came in looking for a coat for her goat. it seems the goat is called hermione and has a nasty cough. the lady rather carelessly did not have hermione with her so when it came to choosing what size coat she should buy i was drafted in to do an impression of a goat so she could see which coat might fit. luckily i did not have to cough as well. it seems that every time we go out of the door something interesting happens, but this is the first time i have had to pretend to be a goat. magic jim was still tied up on the phone so we eventually reluctantly left for the evil vets.
we had quite a long wait while a very fluffy lady dog was seen but eventually the moment could be put off no longer. dr andy looked at the thumb claw.
"i could have a go at just tugging it to see if it comes off," he began. he must have seen the look on my face because he swiftly moved on. "but given this chap's age, and the fact that he is a lurcher, i think it would be better to sedate him and do it properly."
it seems that i am to have a sedative that costs as much as gold dust, which is reserved for dogs with poorly hearts (there is nothing wrong with my heart but due to my advancing years you can't be too careful). so today i am off to the evil vets again. i have to say i don't relish the thought of more pain. i am a bit of a delicate soul on the pain front. but at least i know i am in safe hands. dr andy and dr matt are responsible for the bulk of the train network of scars that criss cross under my fur. without their needlework i would not be around today so i must be brave and try not to cry too much.
it is just as well i have a personal assistant to do my typing. it would be even harder with one paw...