dear readers, as you will be aware, i am a lurcher of a venerable age. in may i was 11, which in human years i believe makes me 77. i have to say that in recent months i have been feeling my age, with the old hips getting more achey. young dave is beginning to outstrip me in speed, although at the moment i make up in guile what i lose in velocity so i am still able to thrash him at fetching things. the hips have had arthritis for some time. the evil vet diagnosed this after taking a photograph of them a couple of years ago.
there is some stuff that can help achey bones. it is called metacam. but it can cause other bits to give up the ghost so herself has been reluctant for me to be taking it on a regular basis until i have to. so she has been investigating other things. the nice man at the stables, who knows a huge amount about this sort of thing, suggested something he uses on horses called devil's claw. when i overheard herself talking about this i got the collie-wobbles. sticking something sharp in one part of the old frame did not sound to me the best way to stop another part hurting. but i worried in vain. devil's claw is some sort of plant. it comes in capsules and i get to have them wrapped in a little bit of ham or cheese so i am a happy fellow.
one slightly less popular change is that i am to have old dog food. young dave and i have dried dog food that comes in a sack, so it is not all that fresh, but it seems i am to have older dog food. our current food is called champ, and i am now going to be getting old champ. herself tried to put my mind at rest by saying that the old refers to the dog rather than the food but i am reserving my position until i have tried it. the reason for this change in diet is that i am apparently getting a little portly now that i am not charging around so much. and any extra weight is not so good for the achey hips. i did ask herself if she had looked in the mirror lately. if she is going to be pointing the finger at my spare tyre she would do well to look at her own. she responded by saying she is not 77 yet.
as well as all this, herself has bought me a magnetic collar from a lady called rose. the theory behind this is that it will make my blood magnetic which will somehow help the achey hips. i am just worried that i will attract the wrong sort of attention. it is very hard to retain any scrap of street-cred when one is coated with metal objects. i am just going to have to develop some patter about my magnetic personality...