Friday, November 14, 2008

not a good morning

dear readers, yet again i must apologise for the long gap in news from my neck of the woods. herself has been a little tied up. himself has been recovering nicely and superkidny is settling in well. but there is no doubt that a person with a wound in their tum that looks like someone went at them with a machete cannot hoover, or walk dogs, or carry anything or undertake many other daily tasks. so herself has been rushing around like a mad thing.

things are not helped by the early start necessitated by himself having to go and have his blood checked twice a week. he has to go to london and the hospital are kind enough to send a man in a car to pick him up. the man is called patrick and used to be a steward on cross channel ferries so he has many interesting stories to tell. but somehow years at sea have made him unable to either tell the time or find his way around. i suppose one bit of sea looks very like another, and in any event patrick was probably too busy feeding and watering people to look out of the window. or porthole.

the first time patrick came for himself there was a call the night before. himself was told to be ready at 5.30am. as this was 2 days after himself leaving hospital herself was aghast (be aghast - your country needs ghasts...) tired was an understatement. but being the good wifey that she became for a short period after himself's op she got up horribly early, made tea and sat and chatted while they waited. time ticked by. himself likes things to be on time. by 6.30am himself was off his head. i had given up all thought of trying to sleep. the phone rang. it was patrick. he said he was in our street. we do not live in a long street and there was no sign of a car. after some questioning it became clear that he might have been in a street of the same name but he was clearly in a different town.

it was agreed that himself would stand on the pavement so that when patrick found the right town he would have no trouble finding the house. herself offered to stand outside but himself by now was on a mission. the downside of this plan was that there was a frost and himself was not long out of a hot hospital. after 10 minutes herself lost her patience.

"you go inside and i will stand out here in the cold!" she whispered, loudly.

"i said i would stand on the pavement!" himself whispered back.

"but so long as someone is standing on the pavement it doesn't matter who!" hissed herself.

"no, i said i would stand here." said himself firmly.

"if you don't get in the house this minute i will thump you!" said herself, forgetting to whisper. by now the neighbours must have heard. young dave and i could certainly hear from in the house. himself knows when herself cannot be dissuaded and he came inside, muttering. herself stood cursing on the pavement in her pyjamas. eventually patrick arrived, smiling.

"i've been across many seas, but this is a long journey even by my standards," he joked.

himself did what is known in our house as "putting his other face on" and smiled politely at this witticism, while bidding herself goodbye.

many more mornings have had the same pattern, although himself has become resigned to it all. today was no exception, except that both peeps were exhausted and grumpy. once himself was collected, this time by an ambulance bus which seems designed to pop all the patient's stitches, herself got our leads out and took young dave and me for a walk. it was not one of our best walks. young dave has forgotten his name and kept running off to eat nasty things. then when we got home young dave ran round the garden, including through some of his little smelly piles, and then ran round the house, even faster, spreading smelliness in his wake. herself stood weeping. then she cleaned and washed the floor. luckily my boy is still off school with a lurgy so at least she didn't have to drive him to meet his taxi. but by the time she set off for work she was looking like she had been whacked with a wet towel for half an hour.

when she arrived at work, it appears that she was reminded that she had failed to attend a training course to be a fire warden the previous day. the health and safety man called her into his office as she went past and said:

"must be a woman thing!" at which herself, in her usual calm and measured way, said,

"no, its a 'wife of someone who has just had a kidney transplant, mother of an autistic boy, owner of an incontinent puppy' thing!" the poor health and safety man gulped.

"its just that the other person who forgot is a woman too. she has just found out she is pregnant."

herself had to admit that this trumped any of her excuses and that this other forgetee would have an excuse for years. i hope to goodness she doesn't get broody...


womaninawindow said...

Does it help to know I read this entire post with my fist pushed hard against my mouth to stifle the laughter? No, I didn't think so.

If I were to quote something here I'd have to quote the whole damned thing. Priceless! But I'm sure in the moment Priceless would not have been the word of choice.

(Glad he is still doing well. I've been worrying just a little.)

Anonymous said...

Sending a warm hug and hot chocolate to herself. My doggies are gone and sad to say, I don't miss them in the least. It's just not the right time for me to have dogs right now.

Take care of yourself sweetie and I'm glad himself is well.

flutter said...

Oh how I have missed you!

DJ Kirkby said...

Love the pic at the top of this post, gorgeous. Also this bit made me laugh: '(be aghast - your country needs ghasts...)'! Glad to read superkidney is behaving itself. xo

Casdok said...

And great to hear you are going to the book launch! :)

Anonymous said...

So good to hear from you! I'm glad your husband is healing nice, despite the stress of the recovery!
Sending you lots of love. Wish I could do more!

Vetnurse said...

You would be lost with out them all to drive you potty. All the best and l love the posts.
Not to bright a h & s man is he.

She said...

Sounds stressful. Sorry I laughed, but you do have a great sense of humor in your writing it all down!

I'm glad hubby is doing well.

Love to you.