Monday, October 20, 2008

a blond moment

dear readers, i am exhausted! herself has been unable to sleep for some time and has taken to getting up at 5am and cleaning the house! while she has at least had the decency to refrain from hoovering until more civilised hours, it has been very stressful for young dave and i, dodging out of the way of the bleach. it seems that when himself comes out of hospital he will be prone to catching any illness that passes his way. this is because the drugs they give him to make sure his body doesn't have a row with superkidny also make sure his body doesn't have a row with any other germs.

herself had not quite grasped the level of cleanliness needed until she was pacing the corridors with the gypsy on the day of the operation. as regular readers will remember, the gypsy has had experience of replacement kidneys as the bionic boy has had two of them.

"you have to degunk the shower head, you know," she casually threw into the conversation, "and then bleach it - all sorts of germs can live in the shower head."

i would have thought that given the shower head spends its whole life having a shower it would be the cleanest place in the house but apparently not. and then there was the bathroom sink, which has been decidedly sluggish lately. that had to be unblocked with evil powder. the bathroom walls were cleaned with neat bleach and the venetian blinds in the bedroom had to have a going over with anti-bacterial spray. this latter job has been on the list since the peeps moved into the house but somehow herself has always found something more interesting to do. having seen how long it took when she finally got round to it i can see why.

a gate was screwed to the wall at the bottom of the stairs. this is to keep young dave and i downstairs. herself has craftily fixed it at a place where i cannot get a proper run at it to jump over. so young dave and i have resorted to sitting looking pitiful at the bottom of the stairs.

then there was the car. young dave and i, and of course all the other dogs who have travelled in it, have left our mark in terms of hair and mud and of course aroma. herself has been meaning to give it a good going over for months but she has been too busy not cleaning the venetian blinds. so her maamship took it to a place where they will hoover and clean it for you. the car cleaning man was somewhat aghast at the state of it.

"its not my car!" said her maamship, "it belongs to my dirty friends! they have dogs!" this latter comment was superfluous. anyone with half an eye and a quarter of a nostril would have been able to deduce that the owner of the car had dogs. it did not require a forensic legal mind. in fact you could probably have made a new dog by sticking together all the hair. that is if you had time in between not cleaning the venetian blinds and bleaching your existing dogs. the car cleaning man explained that he reluctantly had to charge extra due to the extreme hairiness of the car. her maamship was so busy standing as far away from the car as possible in an effort to dissociate herself from it that she willingly paid over the surcharge and hot-tailed it out of the place in a cloud of pine from the little smelly tree that the man hung inside it in a vain attempt to overpower the canine miasma.

after all the preparations herself rushed off to fetch himself from the hospital. but it was not to be. himself explained that he had become so popular that the hospital wanted to hang onto him for another day. he had to have more tests and more tweaking. he was not a happy bunny. but today is a new day and he may be allowed home to us. i hope so. i have missed him...


flutter said...

I hope so too, I really do

Catofstripes said...

Hope he's back home soon. It must be awful, waiting.

Although Joker, you'll have to be on your very best behaviour. Now be a good dog, won't you! And don't let Dave be naughty either.

Deirdre said...

Fingers crossed himself will be home soon.

To keep up the level of bug busting, a kind friend gave us a steam cleaner - hiding bugs beware!!

Anonymous said...

I have been in that car and it's not that dirty. Herself should see my aunt's car which when she put the back seat up, found a nest of mice.

As for the cleaning, herself sounds like a tornado of comet, bleach and rags. On the upside your house will be lovely and clean.

Hope himself is home soon and doing well. Is he peeing yet?

Auntie Jane said...

I hope he's back home now and all is going smoothly. The dogs can be a great comfort when you're not feeling too well... I know mine are.

As for your car... Sounds exactly like ours... Dog hair everywhere!

crazymumma said...

May he be home soon to your terribly terribly immaculate home.

womaninawindow said...

oh, the in vain attempt to rid the world of germs. And then just as he pulls his toothbrush out... (mental note, clean the toothbrush holder.)

welcome home!

My advice, eat the gunk off the bottom of shoes and fortify!