Friday, April 27, 2007
here you can see me in mrs prof's car. it is a special type of car which not only goes very fast but also has wide seats. this is useful for mrs prof as she has quite a wide stern. there was quite a lot of debate about what sort of car mrs prof should get. "has to be an audi tt" said herself, who drives a much inferior sort of audi. "i can't drive one of those!" said mrs prof, "they are hairdresser's cars!" i am not sure where she got this idea from. the hair slayer who comes to shear my peeps drives a renault. mrs prof decided to do some research. she very quickly narrowed the field down to a handful of cars. most fast cars, it seems, have very narrow seats.
herself is someone who rather likes fast cars. she has never really got over an addiction to speed in spite of not having owned a motorbike for many years. a while ago she blagged a roadtest in a lotus elise. this was courtesy of a newspaper that was doing a series where readers got to roadtest cars. as herself at the time drove a saab the newspaper decided to get her to road test a fast car. however, they did not ask herself what sort of fast car she would like to drive. herself, like mrs prof, does not have a narrow stern. the lotus had a very narrow seat. herself's verdict was pretty damning. "there is nowhere to put your shopping, or your dog, and there isn't even a sun visor so you can do your lippy!" she said. "and you can't get in and out without showing your knickers! and it isn't even all that fast! "
the road test was a source of much mirth to everyone. herself would ring up barristers' chambers in london and the clerks would say they had seen it. she had posed for the photo outside the gates of her friend's posh house so people thought she lived in a mansion. her friend from law school, who regularly pretends he is buying cars just to take them for a drive, laughed like a drain.
mrs prof in the end bought an audi tt, no doubt remembering the road test. the tt is quite wonderful. sometimes mrs prof takes me for a ride in it and the wind in my fur is just the business. she ties my lead to the car in case we go past any deer and i forget myself and leap out.
mrs prof is very generous with the tt. she even lets herself drive it. although i have to say she may not do so quite so readily after the trip to the garden centre. this was during the pond-digging day. various people had come along, including a friend who used to be a gravedigger and who therefore has great digging skills. mrs prof has helped the peeps to dig a number of ponds over the years and therefore was let off the hook after an hour or so to go with herself to purchase a fountain. they trundled round the garden centre and eventually settled on which one they were going to buy. the man brought the fountain in a box to the place where you pay. it has to be said this was quite a large box. "ooh, er!" said mrs prof, "i hope it fits in the car!"
as herself was driving, mrs prof had to hold the box on her lap. it protruded above the windscreen by at least a foot. things were going reasonably well until herself put her foot down. the wind caught the box and pinned mrs prof beneath it. "slow down!" came a muffled voice which, luckily for their friendship, herself heard.
mrs prof has just got back from germany. she had not mentioned this little jaunt beforehand. it appears it was on the spur of the moment. mrs prof's son, the extreme programmer, wanted to see how fast the tt would go. mrs prof did not take much persuading. in germany there are no speed limits on the autobahns so it was the obvious place for this venture. "so how fast did you get it to go?" asked herself. "well, we couldn't find a wide enough autobahn to go really fast" said mrs prof, "we could only find the two lane ones".
dear readers, mrs prof has a degree in geography. the extreme programmer has just started work for a worldwide internet company. yet between them they could not find a wide enough autobahn. i despair.