Wednesday, May 27, 2009

my kingdom for a horse...

dear readers, as you know herself has stolen my boy's therapist. the therapist is called claudia and is a very nice person. i know this because i went to visit her to make sure the peeps were safe in her hands. one question that claudia asks herself on a regular basis is "what are you going to do for yourself?"

herself has been brooding on this for a while. she does quite a lot for herself in some ways, including spending many happy hours laptopping. but i think what claudia has in mind is other things. so herself, in typical fashion, has wholeheartedly leaped into doing things for herself (as it were).

first she had a massage. this was with a lady who does raking. i think this means that as well as pummeling the muscles she also rakes her victims to get rid of all the knots. herself came back looking slightly dazed, having booked more raking for a couple of weeks time.

then she booked a foot overhaul. the feet are well overdue a bit of fuss. an orbital sander would be needed to make them soft and smooth. and the massage lady had commented on their general roughness. which, given how rough herself is, has to be saying something.

then she booked a blood test to see if she has any kolesterol. i would be most surprised if she does not have kolesterol, as it appears to be found in butter and cheese, and herself is largely composed of butter and cheese, with layers of pasta and spinach and red wine. in fact she is a little bit like a lasagne.

then, after a cyberchat about riding horses, herself decided to try and find a horse that needs riding, preferably by a large heavy lady. herself used to ride a horse where we lived before. this was a strong and positive horse, and riding her was like a workout in the gym, but herself loved it and came back glowing. she was sad when it stopped due to the horse's owner getting a new enthusiasm for the saddle.

but help was at hand. the internet is a marvellous place. herself found a local person who wants to find a horse to ride too. through a convoluted chain of events, herself has found a horse that needs to get out more. it appears that this too is a lively sort of horse and may need a firm hand. herself was cheerfully telling my boy and himself of this development. himself was chuffed to bits. this morning herself was looking at adverts for horses that needed a home, which had himself looking very pale. himself clearly felt that just riding one was tame by comparison. i have to agree. we have a very small house. the thought of sharing our sofas with something as large as a horse filled me with dread.

my boy roared with laughter at the prospect of the riding arrangement.

"you might as well write the letter now," he giggled, "it will be just like kinky". (herself has had to give up walking kinky the dalmation as her escaping tendencies were too much for her nerves). "dear mrs bewilderforce, i am sorry but i am not going to be able to ride your horse any more because it keeps running off. yours sincerely, etc."

the peeps found this most amusing. the idea of anyone being called mrs bewilderforce in itself was humorous. conversation turned to the horse that herself used to ride.

"don't you remember," said my boy, "they had that daughter who was going to grow up to be a prostitute."

herself sat open-mouthed.

"why on earth do you think she was going to become a prostitute?" she asked. "she was only 6 years old!"

"she was called samantha." said my boy, as though this explained everything.

dear readers, take care when you name your children...


deb said...


Hmm, I wonder what Deb=? Or dare I ask?

Rikkij said...

OK-i laughed out loud at this one. I could actually see the bewilderment when asking the question. ~rick

Anonymous me said...

Claudia is a wise owl, herself needs more "doing just for herself" time. Good to read that the overhaul has started ... I believe raking can be very good for all sorts of reasons.

I did laugh about Mrs Bewilderforce ... it's the way you tell 'em. xxJ

Catofstripes said...

Horses are good. Don't forget your hat.

starrlife said...

Sounds like an overhaul!I was chuffed too! Too funny!

uphilldowndale said...

How often have you seen a horse vomit? Or roll on putrid seagull, sounds like horses are very therapeutic,it could be a bit of a tight squeeze on the sofa though.
(The parental control on our PC, wouldn’t let me open your post, it must have been the ‘Samantha’ word that did, so I’ve had to sneak your blog via the laptop.)

uphilldowndale said...

Duhhh, insert the words 'it' and 'on'

Woman in a Window said...

Oh Lurcher, I can't help but to love you so when I come here. Your wit and ability to see the world through the glass, never mind the old half empty half full thing, is so endearing. But then I guess it's your perspective, isn't it?

My daughter was riding for a couple years when she was having an especially difficult time and it gave her so much to take control of such a large force.

Lou said...

hope herselfs raking is going well: )))

She said...

haha! I wish my mom had taken more care when naming me! Every character on TV named sheila is off the charts weird!

At least my mom spelled my version wrong! hee hee!

And finding things to do for ourselves is hard, but it sounds like the massage and pedicure were awesome. You go, Girl!